Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Tuesday - And I'm Pretty Much Hating Right Now

HATE, it's a four letter word.  It can adequately express how you feel and consume every waking & sleeping thought.  It's a strong word.  I feel like it really describes how I'm feeling right now.

The dictionary defines hate as "to dislike intensely or passionately; feel extreme aversion for or extreme hostility toward; detest".  After carefully considering the definition, I pause for a brief few minutes and think...yep, that's definitely how I feel.  So what has brought me to this emotion?  The better question is "who".  The answer is my clinical manager.  She is a woman who seems to have no other purpose in life except to make someone else miserable even if it means she is unprofessional.

Take today for instance.  I wake up early, get ready, go to my computer training class for the new charting program, and not only is there not a space for me, I'm off the list.  I go back to my department and see that there is a new revised list since my  last shift and I'm rescheduled for tomorrow.  Not a phone call, not a change noted in the computerized schedule, nothing.  Not only that, I'm scheduled to be working in the ER during the class time.  How am I supposed to be two places at once?

So I place a phone call.  What does she say?  "I posted the changes over the weekend."  I wasn't there I say.  "Not my problem" is her reply.  Well you could've called me I suggested. She said again "look it's not my problem you weren't at work to know about the changes."  Well I'm still in the computer as scheduled for class today.  "Again, not my problem."  Well who's it is then?  Oh yeah, apparently mine.

This is a woman who has single-handily made it her mission to fire me or get me to quit after I stood up to her on the first day she was in her new position when she threatened and attempted to bully me into "you will respect me I demand it".  Ever since then she has made it virtually impossible for me to go a week without antagonizing me in some way or writing me up, until finally a few weeks ago I was demoted.

So here is my quandary   How can I not feel hate towards her?  I don't know, but I'm working on that because this woman is definitely not worthy of consuming me.

Ciao, De